Mothers Stories Project: Mother Story

I'm not a typical birthmom. I was 30 when I had my daughter. I am also married with 2 sons. We chose adoption because at the time we were just getting into a home. I was scared that I couldn't provide for another baby. My other 2 children had slept in a tent for 2 months prior to getting this house. I was scared we would be homeless again. My husband was working, but what if he lost his job again?

I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 12 weeks. We were under so much stress, it didn't occur to me I could be pregnant. My first reaction was to have an abortion. I cried and cried. When it came down to it, I could never do that a child of mine. When I had Lila I had to beg to see her. They wouldn't let me take her out of the nursery because I might run off with her. I tried to tell them that by law she is my baby. I had not signed anything yet.

When we started signing the papers I told them I changed my mind. I wanted my daughter. My lawyer reminded me that if I kept her I had to pay back anything that the agency helped me with. I knew that I couldn't. He just kept saying sign the papers Jody. You're doing the right thing. I got up, went to the bathroom and vomited. I didn't want to sign the papers. I wanted my daughter. In the end I signed them because of the pressure I was put under. Afterward I overheard him telling the adoptive parents, You are safe. She has signed- everything. I didn't even know that I signed a waiver that denied me 30 days to change my mind.

Now the adoptive family never sends me anything. i don't even know how my daughter is, or what she looks like.

I was lied to by the agency, who promised me an open adoption. I was lied to by my lawyer, who didn't tell me I had 30 days to get her back. I was lied to by a family that promised me a chance to still see my daughter. But they took her and ran.